Love Potion Number 10
(One Better than “Number 9”)
or
How to Have an Unforgettable Time with Your Valentine
(NSFW: This post is spicy!)
These suggestions are for healthy people in committed relationships who are just looking to spice things up. If you have any sexual “problems,” I recommend you see an herbalist to correct them. For example, if you have ED, the first thing I would do is make sure your heart health is good and work on it if necessary before using any herbal (or prescription) sexual stimulants. If your heart isn't healthy enough for sex, your body will short-circuit your libido so you won't be tempted to risk a heart attack for an orgasm! (Although, if you think about it – What a way to go!)
If your health is basically good and you are “fully functional,” go ahead and try some of these. After you try them, if you'd like to send me a “Thank You” note, you can contact me through this site!
Focus on pleasure, passion and fun. Before we get to the herbs... It baffles me how a lot of people treat sex as a job or a chore, or get preoccupied with “performance,” or impressing their partner, or “what will he/she expect?” I don't want to make light of what are obviously some very real emotional struggles for a lot of people, but... GOOD GRACIOUS! Why do we do this to ourselves!? Of all the things in life that should NEVER be tedious!
Teenagers (at least ones from the '80's and '90's) may not have always made the best life decisions, but they sure knew how to do sex right when they did it. They parked somewhere, looked at each other, felt the butterflies, nervously started making out, then just followed their hormones and let the passion take them! I'm certainly not encouraging anyone to be reckless or irresponsible and I'm a big believer in monogamy and marriage, but there's plenty that we “responsible adults” can learn from this approach to sex. Don't worry about what anyone's “expecting” or how well you “perform.” It's not about any of that. It's about having fun, bonding, and expressing your feelings for your lover – the tender ones, the passionate ones, the highly spiritual ones and the downright horny ones!
Remember what gave you both the butterflies once-upon-a-time, then just look at each other, smile mischievously and begin – with no plan at all – just do whatever comes to you, whatever feels right in the moment and see where it takes you! As long as you're both on board and enjoying yourselves, anything goes! You'll probably have the best time you've had in years and I'll bet you a bowl full of chocolate covered strawberries that you'll perform better and blow all their expectations out of the water too because you won't be trying so darn hard and overthinking it! Don't even worry about whether, when or how often you or your lover climaxes. Just do what feels good and keep on doing it!
When it comes to deciding things like whether, when, why and with whom to have sex, use your brain. When it comes to the actual DOING of it, give your brain a vacation and let your hormones and emotions rule! There's a time and place for everything. Just be in the moment and have fun and make sure your lover is having fun too. The look in their eyes will usually tell you all you need to know.
Both of you must be enjoying yourselves. Sex is an exchange, a dance, you give, your lover responds, you respond to their response... Treat him/her with love and high esteem. Sex is intimate and vulnerable. If someone doesn't feel good about doing it (for whatever reason) and can't fully give themselves over to the experience, it won't be what it should be. Make sure you're both in a good place and ready to enjoy yourselves.
Essential Oils
Jasmine essential oil helps you feel more alert and vigorous and increases breathing rate and blood oxygen saturation. In one study I read, the scent of jasmine works especially well as an aphrodisiac for men, but you gals go ahead and try it as well.
Also try Ylang Ylang essential oil in perfume, massage oil, or spritz a little on your sheets.
Use Rose essential oil or Rose Water in similar ways.
Also try Wellness Warrior's organic Intoxicating Love essential oil blend made with night blooming jasmine and juniper berry!
Herbs
Horny Goat Weed (Epimedium)
Years ago, farmers who kept goats noticed that when their goats munched on a certain herb growing on the edge of their fields... they would end up with a lot more goats!
Horny goat weed has moderate androgen-like effects in both men and women and could help when someone is androgen-deficient. It also helps your body make better use of nitric oxide to increase blood flow. It increases both sexual function and desire in both men and women.
Take ½ to 1 teaspoon of the extract or 1-2 dropperfuls of the tincture. Some people like to take it daily to build up their sexual energy and others prefer to take it an hour before getting frisky. Try and see which works best for you.
Yohimbe
This is a STRONG herb. It should only be used in small doses for short periods. I recommend no more than 2 weeks at a time. Or just occasionally when you need a boost. Start with 15 drops of a tincture (orally) an hour before making love and see how strongly it effects you. If it's not enough, take a little more next time until you feel the effect you want. It sends more blood to the pelvic area and stimulates the spinal nerves that supply that area.
Herbalist Jim Green recommends to add a little ascorbic acid to make the constituents easier for your body to use (perhaps a squeeze of lemon juice).
**Don't use yohimbe if you have inflammation of the prostate or sex organs or if you have high blood pressure. Don't combine it with prescription drugs or alcohol.
Cinnamon
I remember reading a study years ago where researchers hooked up volunteers to sensors that measured the blood flow to their genitals and then had them smell different scents (no looking at your neighbor during the test, boys and girls!) The one smell that produced a SIGNIFICANT increase in genital blood flow for both sexes was cinnamon rolls! That's right, in order to use this herbal aphrodisiac, you don't even have to imbibe it, just smell it! In times past people would also burn cinnamon as incense, you can find cinnamon incense online if you'd like to try this. Or have a little cinnamon essential oil IN THE ROOM.
FYI, in case you're thinking of trying a topical application of cinnamon powder or essential oil... DON'T, just don't! Just trust me on this one, OK!
...Well, if you insist, you could use a blend of essential oils with a SMALL percentage of cinnamon oil and dilute a few drops in some lotion or carrier oil for a warming sensual massage (I'd still keep it away from your genitals though).
Pine Pollen
This one is mainly for the guys, but women might benefit too (Ladies, you might want to consult with an herbalist on this one because...) it contains testosterone, not testosterone precursors as is the case with most testosterogenic herbs, but ACTUAL testosterone! Most men these days are a bit low in free testosterone levels (some more than a bit), so pine pollen supplementation will probably benefit MOST of them. If you like, you can get yours tested to see how badly you need pine pollen.
Ladies, you're hormone balance is different, you naturally have a little testosterone, but not nearly as much as the guys, so I suggest learning about your own hormone balance tendencies to find out if a little more testosterone is what you need – you might need something different.
Guys, if you want to see a real difference in the bedroom, gym, work, and practically everywhere else, take pine pollen. I take about ½ teaspoon 2-3 times a week (I don't seem to need much). You may need a bit more – or less, experiment to find your ideal dose.
Pine pollen also seems to enhance pheromone activity. Don't believe me? Take it for a few weeks and see how people of both sexes start responding differently to you.
Semen retention - Guys, avoid ejaculating for a few weeks (I'm serious!) Obviously you're not doing this if you're sexually active, but if you're trying to find a woman, this strategy is more powerful than all the introduction services and PUA trainings in the world. It affects your subconscious behavior, your attitude, your hormones, energy levels, libido, physical strength, probably your pheromones too. After a week or two, you'll probably notice women paying you more attention. They love all that beautiful masculine energy you're building up. They can smell it!
I'm not saying you have to do this forever, just use it strategically as a tool when you need it (you might find yourself wanting to use it more and more). When you get to the point where the only ejaculating you do is with your lover, your life will be very different. Some really hard core devotees take it to the next level and just stay completely celibate all the time, forever – but that sounds like a really lonely way to live – just my opinion. My recommendation is to just use this from time to time, for a season, and when you see what it does for you, decide for yourself how big a role you want it to play in your life.
FYI: When you tell your friends the benefits you see from doing this, they probably won't believe you!
Sorry ladies, I don't know of a female equivalent for this one. It works differently for you. But, hey, considering all the different ways women can experience orgasms, the fact that they can get aroused without others noticing, and other advantages, I guess God figured He should give us guys this consolation prize/super power to keep things sort of even!
Hawthorn berry and rose petal
Good sex isn't just about the physical. The emotional connection with your lover is just as important. This is a formula I started using a few years ago for healing the heart (the emotional heart). I combine equal parts hawthorn berry tincture and rose water. You can get both at any health food store or online. Both of you take 1-3 drops once a day with the intent of opening your hearts to each other and see what happens. BE AWARE: This formula might bring up old emotions that need to be dealt with and healed. Don't be surprised if it happens and be ready to process them in a healthy way!
Rose essential oil also has a reputation as an aphrodisiac and is even used to treat male infertility! See The Male Herbal for more information on this.
This is an herbal oil from American Botanical Pharmacy that is actually made for healing muscle and joint injuries (and it works really well for that), but someone discovered by accident one time that a very small amount rubbed on the genitals before sex can really wake up sensation and bring a lot of blood flow in. It can make things much more exciting! I suggest diluting just a drop or two in an ounce of carrier oil like coconut, olive or avocado or add it to the lube recipe below in the same amount.
CAUTION: A little goes a LONG way!
FYI at Home
FYI Lube
1 part = 1 Tbsp, 1 ounce, or 1 pound – depending on how much you want to end up with
Place together 2 parts Shae Butter and 1 part Virgin Coconut Oil
Warm them in a glass or stainless steel pan over low heat until they are melted together, stir a bit to make sure they are well combined, then pour into a clean glass jar.
I suggest you both apply this all over the “whole area” not just directly on your genitals. You can also use it as massage oil and give each other a little loving attention to help you both get warmed up.
If you want to make it a bit spicy, stir in 1-2 drops of Deep Tissue Repair Oil per ounce of lube, you can always add more later if you want. It doesn't take much!
Sensual Massage
What a great way to get your lover warmed up! Here are a few tips for success:
Get a good oil or massage lotion or use the lube recipe above. Different viscosities (thicknesses) feel different so experiment to find your faves. Olive, grape seed, and avocado oils are good for general use. Coconut is nice and thin, good for more delicate areas like the face, and castor oil is very thick and good for feet or calloused hands (and will soften them over time).
Use a good emery board or file (I like the big disposable ones in 240 grit myself) to get your nails, cuticles, callouses, etc. nice and smooth. Make sure there are no rough or sharp spots on your hands.
Use firm but gentle pressure and check in with your lover about what feels good.
Go slow.
Start with short duration, like 5-10 minutes, if you aren't used to giving massages. It's more tiring than it looks.
Start with the not-so-sexual areas to relax him/her, then gradually get more and more sexual as they warm up.
Herbal Dream Pillows
Did you ever realize that what you smell while you sleep can influence the content of your dreams? A lot of people have tried using hops or lavender flowers in little cloth pouches inserted in their pillows to help them sleep, but dream pillows can do a lot more.
This recipe is from the book, Making Herbal Dream Pillows by Jim Long:
2 cups rose petals
4 cups calendula flowers
4 cups rosemary
1 cup lemongrass, cut in short pieces
1 cup sweet woodruff
½ cup mugwort
1 Tablespoon mint
1 Tablespoon marjoram
1 teaspoon fennel seed
1 lemon geranium leaf
1 piece cinnamon bark, about ½ inch long, broken
Tiny pinch of commercial chili powder (optional)
The Finishing Touches
Trim
If you haven't yet discovered the joys of manscaping (or womanscaping ;-), just trust me, too much hair “down there” is not a good thing. Groom to your liking and repeat often. Nuf said.
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This is just a sampling. There are MANY more good herbal aphrodisiacs and other ways to spice up your love life.
A last piece of advice... Whenever I'm about to start a new project, I research how to do it right and prepare as best I can so I can do it well. Take some time and research how to be good at sex. Prepare like you would for an athletic event. Treat it like any skill you're trying to develop. Educate yourself, train and condition yourself, and practice to develop and perfect your skills.
This may seem to contradict the advice I gave earlier about letting go and letting the passion take you, but what I mean here is skill development, on your own, learn, learn, learn so you can have knowledge to draw on when you're in the moment and going for it – knowledge of your and your lover's anatomy, psychology, different sexual techniques/ positions/ locations, new things you might want to try in bed (or in the shower, the forest, the car – parked, of course – or whatever). When you know how to use your tools, you can figure out how to use them in different jobs, just sayin'. An improv. jam session is going to sound a lot better if all the members actually know how to play their instruments!
Good luck and happy loving!
– Happy Valentine's Month!
Resources:
Horny Goat Weed dry extract:
Yohimbe bark glycerite:
Cinnamon incense:
Cinnamon essential oil:
Jasmine (and other) essential oils:
Intoxicating Love Blend from Wellness Warrior https://www.wellness-warrior.store/products/intoxicating-love
Pine Pollen:
Hawthorn berry tincture:
Rose Water:
Deep Tissue Repair Oil:
Shea Butter:
Coconut oil:
How to Make Herbal Dream Pillows:
Ingredients for Herbal Dream Pillows:
The Male Herbal by James Green, Herbalist